A Letter From Dr. Nelson Mandela To Nigerian Earthlings

 

Dear Nigerian Earthlings, I have successfully reached the world beyond. With utmost patriotism, I submitted your letter to the appropriate persons and here are their respective replies:

•  Re: Tell Herbert Macaulay that the party he founded has been turned to People Destroying Party - JESUS TURNED WATER TO WINE. GIVE THE PARTY TO HIM AND HE WILL TURN IT BACK TO WHAT IT USED TO BE. 

•  Re: Tell Obafemi Awolowo that we now pay school fees without going to school. - WHAT KIND OF STUDENTS ARE YOU? HOW CAN YOU KEEP PAYING SCHOOL FEES WHEN YOU DON'T GO TO SCHOOL? EVEN IF YOUR PARENTS DIDN'T TEACH YOU TO BE WISE, CAN'T YOU BE WISE FOR YOURSELVES?

•  Re: Help me tell Nnamdi Azikiwe that the long wall to democracy he built has fallen, only the cracked fence still stands.- ASK DANGOTE TO SUPPLY YOU CEMENT SO THAT YOU CAN SEAL THE CRACKS YOURSELVES. AFTER BUILDING A WALL FOR YOU, DO YOU STILL WANT ME TO DO THE MAINTENANCE FOR YOU? 
•  Re: Tell Chief Anthony Enaharo that the independent nation he fought for is no more.- EVEN IF THE NATION IS NO MORE INDEPENDENT, CAN'T YOU INDENPENDENTLY STAND UP FOR YOURSELVES. DO I STILL HAVE TO FIGHT FOR EACH NIGERIAN TO HAVE A PERSONAL INDEPENDENCE? 
•  Re: Tell Alh. Shehu Shagari that boko haram has destroyed his reason for creating NYSC cos no one wants to serve in the north any longer.- NO FILES FOUND FOR SHEHU SHAGARI. SO, HIS FATHER MAGAJIN ALIYU REPLIED: WHAT ABOUT THE SOUTH, EAST AND WEST? IF YOU DON'T SERVE IN THE NORTH CAN'T YOU SERVE ELSEWHERE? YOU NEVER LIKED THE IDEA IN THE FIRST PLACE. IN FACT, WHY WON'T BOKO HARAM PLAGUE YOU WHEN YOU WISH MY SON DEAD? 
•  Re:Tell Alh. Ahmadu Bello that our judicial system now favors only the rich. - IT IS QUITE SIMPLE! BE HARDWORKING. MAKE YOUR OWN MONEY AND IT WILL FAVOUR YOU TOO. IF IT FAVOURS THE POOR, WHAT WILL IT GET IN RETURN? PALM KERNEL OR WHAT? 
• Re: Also tell Baba Fela that Terry G is the new afro beat king.- DID I EVER TELL YOU I'D BE KING FOREVER? TERRY G IS KING NOW, IF YOU NOR LIKE GO HANG. JEJE. IF U HANG U GO DIE. JEJE. U GO DIE FOR NOTHING. JEJE, JEJE, JEJE.
•  Re: Tell Muritala Mohammed that we still use kerosene to cook and candles to see.- WHY DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT? IT COULD BE WORSE. AT LEAST, YOU DON'T USE FIREWOOD YET!
•  Re: Tell King Jaja of Opobo that we are still slaves in our own country.- WE WERE ALL BORN TO BECOME SERVANTS. NO ONE IS EVER TRULY A LEADER.
•  Re: Pls tell Dele Giwa that the Nigerian press has been bought with money - O EARTHLINGS! SAVE ENOUGH MONEY AND BUY IT BACK! 
• Re:Tell God that the disparity between HND and Bsc holders is highly unbearable.- 'WHAT I HAVE PREPARED FOR YOU IS A CROWN OF GLORY,' SAYS THE LORD, 'NOT HND OR Bsc'
•  Re:Tell Yaradua that ASUP is a disgrace to Polytechnic system.- TELL GEJ TO GIVE AN AMNESTY TO ASUP AND YOUR POLYTECHNIC SYSTEM WILL BE JUST FINE. 
•  Re: and please don't forget to tell Prof. Iyayi that Federal Govt. paid N200 Billion into ASUU account but they have not seen alert.- TELL ASUU TO BE PATIENT IT COULD BE THE NETWORK AND TELL THEM NOT TO FORGET TO KEEP MY SHARE AS SOON AS THE ALERT COMES IN. I'D BE WATCHING THEM! 
•  Re: Tell them that we need a quick reply to this letter. - THIS IS THE QUICKEST REPLY YOU CAN GET VIA MILKY -WAY GALAXY EXPRESS MAIL. NOW LET ME REST IN PEACE! ENOUGH WITH YOUR LETTERS!  ~Madiba.