Old age catching up with them: For numerous reasons some of which are mentioned above e.g. spending years pursuing educational and career goals, hanging out with the wrong guys, etc.), many women are not able to marry or get serious partners in their Prime years. By the time they recognize their errors and the need to settle down to start a family, age is either catching up with them or has already caught up with them. To avoid carrying their singleness into the Danger Zone, or avoid being less fertile and having difficulty in bringing forth children, they try all possible but not always advisable means to get husbands or serious partners.
Pressure from family: In almost all if not all African societies, the institution of marriage is viewed as something that brings respect and honor not only to the couple but also their families (both nuclear and extended). For this reason, when after a certain age, e.g. 26+, a woman is still unmarried, her family particularly parents, start pilling pressure on her to get a husband and to give them (the parents) grandchildren. Note, that due to the religious nature of many Africans, pregnancy and/or giving birth out of wedlock, is not only seen as a disgrace to a woman’s entire family, but also a sin against God or the gods.
Security, loneliness and/or the sense of non-fulfillment: The need for some form of security and stable support, financially, materially, mentally or emotionally also motivates the determination of many women to rush to get husbands. However, there are some women, who have almost everything they need in life in abundance, but do not feel that sense of fulfillment without marriage. For them, a woman’s life without a husband or serious partner is nothing but an unfulfilled life.
Fulfilling a New Year Resolution: Before the commencement of a New Year, people make what is generally referred to as New Year Resolution. One of the key resolutions of most single women is to get married by the end of the year. Hunting for men is thus one way of making sure that their New Year resolution comes to pass.
Peers getting married: Some unattached African women abroad are so worried and disturbed about their inability to lay hands on someone they can call husband that, they wish they had never come to the western world. The statement of a Zambian respondent speaks loads: ‘I learn most of my old-time friends and former class mates in my country are happily married with kids, but look at me still struggling to get a good relationship let alone marriage’.
Conclusion: It is believed that single African women who fall within the Borderline and Danger Zone groups, and those with children are much more likely to be taken advantage of and sexually abused or exploited by selfish and lustful men as they are easily wooed and convinced because of their situation. In other words, they easily give in to false marriage promises or propositions of deceptive selfish and promiscuous men.
It is quite obvious that very soon more and more unattached African women in the West particularly those in England will be making their way to their various home countries to look for partners and husbands. However, the question is not whether or not the men in Africa are ready for the western-based ladies; it is rather whether or not the single ladies back home in Africa will watch the western-based ladies “scramble” for “their men” without a fight.
The Reasons so Many African Women Abroad are Single:
Other past mistakes: Other mistakes made in the past by some women such as, waywardness, going out with married men, being impregnated by some reckless man who does not even accept responsibility, and single-motherhood, contribute to their difficulty in getting husbands. It may sound rude but the truth is that most men prefer women with no child to those with one or more.
Desire to remain single: It must however be emphasized that not all single African women abroad are interested in marriage or serious relationships; some prefer and seem to be very happy to be single. The words of one Nigerian respondent are noteworthy: ‘I wouldn’t lie to you, I hate marriage. If marriage is so great, why do most marriages end in divorce within a couple of years if not months?’ Many single people think they do have a meaningful love relationship in their life, and that for them, is enough.
The Desire to marry wealthy men or men with legal status: It has been established that many African women only look for men who are rich and/or have legal status. Consequently, they ignore those who are genuinely in love with them but are not very financially sound or do not have strong legal status. In the end, they are taken for a ride by the so-called wealthy dudes and men with legal documents, and thus return to what Nigerians call “square one” (where they were before – singleness). It has been observed that most African women, no matter how financially sound they are, seem to prefer men with good jobs and good salary to those doing menial jobs or struggling to get jobs, even though the latter might demonstrate more traces of genuine love than the former.
Tribalism/Ethnocentrism: Some African families have “blacklisted” certain tribes and/or countries, and would just not tolerate the idea of their children getting married to someone from these “blacklisted” societies. It has in fact become an abomination in many African countries for people from certain “rival” tribes to get married. Sadly, beautiful young women are missing the opportunity to get married to men they love, all in the name of tradition or tribal hatred. As one Ghanaian respondent mentioned: ‘There is this guy who loves me so much …. I love him too, but I know my parents will be gutted and disappointed in me if I tell them that he is from … (country withheld)… I’m just scared.
culled from:ASL
Nice article. However, most African women overseas are too picky when it come to relationship. They would never look at any man who is struggling with school and part time job. Most men remember that when they become successful. Hence they ignore these women and go back home to marry much younger women.
ReplyDelete